Flawed.

Today’s Daily Prompt is “Flawed“:

What is your worst quality?

My worst quality is the pairing of my need for affirmation, with my intolerance for not being liked.

Yes, I’m needy.  My poor boyfriend.  Just  last night, the TV and I were battling for his attention, and you can probably guess who won.  (Hint: Not me.)

I think that I probably have inherited this need from my father, who has been known to ask, “Do you love me?”, following it with, “Do you promise?”

When this affirmation is not met, as is the case when I discover that someone doesn’t like me, I take it very personally.  On the most basic level, I understand that not every individual is compatible for friendship, but, when it comes down to it, I want to know Why you don’t like me and How I can change that.  I simply can’t accept that “You can’t be liked by everyone,” and I don’t believe in disliking someone simply because they dislike me. (You know, the “She doesn’t like me, so I don’t like her” system of thought.)

This flaw has led to some very toxic relationships, where I’ve perhaps been less than true to myself.  More comically, it’s also led to some very awkward dinner parties, as well.

Unfortunately, when an individual decides that they don’t like me, I’m bound to go out of my way to either make them like me…or ultimately confirm their previous judgments.  I tend to go over the top to please others, especially those who might be less than impressed with me, and I rarely say no when asked for a favor.

I’ve gotten better over the years, more confident, but I still sometimes find myself seeking this positive affirmation from others.  Only now, if I don’t get it, I find confidence and affirmation from within because, after all, my opinion of myself is the only one that matters.

-H

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